I can’t be alone. I figure it’s likely that someone reading this is also feeling or dealing with the weight of great change upon their life. Somehow still though it feels so much bigger than that these days. As if WE as people are involved in a shared kind of movement, all going somewhere unknown together, learning to accept that where we are can no longer be here. Constantly.
My beautiful Grandma. The great matriarch of my family passed away this month. She was born into change and bore witness to so much of it in her lifetime. She would always say that these past few years were the craziest times she had ever lived through. I watched her fight and accept change my whole life. Nearing the end, she’d always remind me of one of her greatest acceptances by saying; “I’m ready to go when it’s my time, I’ve had a good life and I don’t want to live forever.” Those words got a lot heavier this month.
Simultaneously, Anika moved home to Colorado to be closer to her Family and a new employment opportunity. Marking this change and ending our 8 year partnership together has been the result of months of turbulent & uncertain times involving her Mother’s health. It has been a very difficult time for us both and we are lucky to love one another so truly and to be surrounded by so many good friends.
From a young age I learned to love to watch bad things change for the better but something about letting go of good things has never gotten easier. The desire for good things to last forever &/or for the ones that we love to be here with us is a struggle we all are akin to. I’m reminded often that just knowing that things change does not make it any easier to accept when they do.
So for the past couple weeks I’ve been trying to figure out what this letter was going to be about. I knew I wanted to say something about change and of course to see what’s been up with y’all but I just can’t figure out where I’m going or what exactly I’m talking about. I guess I’ll get out here because to conclude this thought I’ll have to accept some things and while I’m determined to get there and have been working hard on it everyday --- I’m just don’t think I’m quite there yet.
July 31st, 2022
***Don’t lose hope